my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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