Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
