Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
