yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
