This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
