So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was like eating out sand paper
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
