I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
