just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
