I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
