i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
