please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm having to shit out rocks
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