Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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