My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
