Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
