im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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