Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
