I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
