1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
