Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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