just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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