i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
