my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
