dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
