I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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