So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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