when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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