Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
