u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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