I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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