Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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