The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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