We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we're so committed to being not committed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
