That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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