Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
