You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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