she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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