If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
