If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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