Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
