is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
