well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
