I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
