I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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