i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
