I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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