Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
