im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
