Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
