dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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