Betty ford says i'm here all night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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