who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
