Im at strip club and am horny
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
