Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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