Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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