In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
