I got chris browned last night
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
