this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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