Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
