the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
