dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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