I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
