nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
