i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
