I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
